made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
