I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
me + whiskey = a bad person
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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