watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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