happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
