I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
