Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
