Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
