I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your penis caused this!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
