he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
