after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
