Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
