I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am one with the molecules
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Success! We fucked roommates!
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