Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
