this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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