When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
