Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
