There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
