Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
