you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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