I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
