I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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