Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize
