tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
