i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
