I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
