When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
