I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
