When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
