My cat gives me a boner
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
