I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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