I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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