Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So much Jack, so little girl.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
