thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
