My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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