I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I smell like Dick and happiness
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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