she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize