My cat gives me a boner
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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