I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
