take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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