I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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