I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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