Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
