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i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
