we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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