Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
