She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
