At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
