Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
