He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
