U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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