Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
