addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
