Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
