its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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