I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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