i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
