woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
