Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There r osticjed everywhere
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
