Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
