I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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