I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
