Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
