There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
