well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
