I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you traded sex for a burrito?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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