The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
