I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
