am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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