There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
